I have found that parents are conditioned from early on to dread the phone call home from their child's teacher. Maybe they often had phone calls home to their parents when they were in school, maybe an older child often requires phone calls home, or maybe it's just society's perception on when a teacher calls home it must be because something is wrong. That mindset really bothers me. Sure students are going to do things that require that phone call home to explain it to parents and ask for reinforcement at home, but I don't want parents to dread seeing the school number on their caller id.
From the start of school, I have made it part of my weekly routine to call home to at least two families and celebrate something with them for the week. Maybe it's their child's excitement in an activity or really thoughtful act towards a friend, maybe it is an academic success, or better yet, a social/behavioral improvement. For some of the parents that knew me previously, they were not caught off guard by the phone call, but for others who have already learned to dread the call home, I think they were weary of my intentions, wondering when I was going to drop the bomb of "what their child did today". When I called one parent in particular, she began with a very defensive tone in her voice. Once I explained I was calling home to celebrate what her child had done, her tone began to change. She began asking, "so why are you calling if he is doing good?" and saying, "I've never gotten calls like this." After explaining what I wanted to celebrate, the parent responded, "Ms. Brown, you've made my entire day. Thank you for loving my son. I know he's not easy, but I'm so grateful you see his good side." She began to quietly cry and it broke and warmed my heart at the same time. I was saddened to know that at such an early age parents can feel that the system is against them, but I was relieved to know that the parent could see my good intentions. I knew I would have to often call home to really forge a relationship with this parent, but that was a commitment that I knew I needed to make.
One of my favorite responses came just a few weeks ago when I called home to celebrate some "rockstar reading" of one my students. I could hear the beaming look of pride on the father's face when I was sharing his daughters' success with him. When I finished sharing, he said, "I know it's 5 pm on Friday night and you have a million things you should be doing, but can you please call my wife and share this with her? I know I cannot do any justice for the sincere excitement and pride in your voice. She's been at work for the past 18 hours due to an emergency and I know this will make her day." How could I say no? The whole point of my phone calls is to share positive moments with families. Five more minutes in the grand scheme of things was nothing. It was so worth it. On that Sunday, I received a picture via email of that same student playing school at her house. But in the picture, she was on a phone. The father explained he told his daughter that I called and how proud he was of her for her hard work at school,later that day when she was playing school, he walked in to hear her on the phone, calling home to her pretend students' parents saying "I just love _____. She is so super smart. She works so hard." His message - "Thank you for showing my daughter how to make someone's day, one phone call at a time."
Throughout the year, I have called families over and over again to celebrate (and discuss incidences and concerns). I have found that because I have invested in the time in developing relationships and celebrating, that parents are much more receptive to when I call home with a concern asking for their support and follow through at home. They know that I value their child and recognize when things are going well. I'm not "out to get their child" or blame them for everything. There will be "bumps in the road" as students go through school, but I don't want parents to only know about the bumps in the road. So many more positive things happen everyday that I know parents will never know about, unless it is shared with them.
It takes a village to raise a child, and I know that by winning parents over and having them view me as someone on their child's side that I can accomplish much more. It takes five minutes to call home. The kind words about their child do not cost you anything, but to a parent (and a child) they could mean the world. Celebrate the little things in life, for life is about the journey, not the destination.
A simple yet great idea but one not frequently practiced for some reason. My own kids have been in school a collective 24 school years and I don't know that we've ever received such a call. Most teachers would likely say that's due to there not being enough hours in the day. But as you note, two 5-minute calls a week is a mere 10 minutes.
ReplyDeleteLove your blog too. Keep up the great work. Scott
Thanks Scott! I just want to have students and families to start their school career with a positive home to school relationship. It's 5 minutes. We all have five minutes, if we want to.
ReplyDeleteI'm so inspired by your "celebration" phone calls! It is so important that parents hear positive things about their child often. I often e-mail parents good news about quizzes and tests, but the phone call is so much more personal! I think I can find 5 minutes to hopefully make someone's day! Thanks for the inspiration!
ReplyDeleteWe are asked to make 3-5 positive phone calls per week and I feel that it has helped tremendously. Some of my students will ask me, "Can you call my parents this week?" I feel as though I have support from parents and they have time to share their successes and concerns as well. I have received nothing but positive feedback from parents. When parents have positive relationships with their child's teacher, they trust the decisions you are making with their child while they are at school. It makes for a better environment for the child at home and at school.
ReplyDeleteHayley, your stories are so touching! My daughter is only one but even now coming home from a long day at work to find out she did something 'good' is enough to make my whole day! I hope you continue to do this for your students. I know it'll make a huge difference for both the students and their families.
ReplyDeleteYour students are so lucky to have you!
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