We've all had them - one of those days, one of those weeks, where it seems like nothing is going our way. Just when we think we will catch a break, something else happens. It's just like the book Alexander and the Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day By Judith Voigt. Alexander thinks nothing is going his way and nothing could be worse, but worse keeps happening. I have found myself in one of those long weeks this past week. In the moment I am just trying to "survive". I was overwhelmed and burdoned and just needed a break.
Luckily the days pass and there is something that does change our perspective. Something happens that makes us realize, "ahh, it's not that bad" or "Ahh, I can do this." For me, it was a note that a student wrote to me on Friday in their beautiful kindergarten handwriting full of hearts, butterflies, and rainbows. The note she had so ever carefully tucked behind my leg as she ran to her seat to patiently wait for me to see it. Thankfully their "stealth mode" is rather obvious and I was able to play into it, or so I thought. I opened the note to see "Ms Brown i stil luv u" written across it. As she saw me open it, she ran over and said, "It's okay if you're having a bad idea" and gave me a big hug. With a tear in my eye I thanked her. I thanked her because it was that card, that simple gesture that changed my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day around. Her simple heartfelt words made me realize that as stressful as things get, it's okay to have a bad day.
Have you ever had one of those days? How did a student change it around for you?
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Sunday, March 2, 2014
It Takes Five Minutes
I have found that parents are conditioned from early on to dread the phone call home from their child's teacher. Maybe they often had phone calls home to their parents when they were in school, maybe an older child often requires phone calls home, or maybe it's just society's perception on when a teacher calls home it must be because something is wrong. That mindset really bothers me. Sure students are going to do things that require that phone call home to explain it to parents and ask for reinforcement at home, but I don't want parents to dread seeing the school number on their caller id.
From the start of school, I have made it part of my weekly routine to call home to at least two families and celebrate something with them for the week. Maybe it's their child's excitement in an activity or really thoughtful act towards a friend, maybe it is an academic success, or better yet, a social/behavioral improvement. For some of the parents that knew me previously, they were not caught off guard by the phone call, but for others who have already learned to dread the call home, I think they were weary of my intentions, wondering when I was going to drop the bomb of "what their child did today". When I called one parent in particular, she began with a very defensive tone in her voice. Once I explained I was calling home to celebrate what her child had done, her tone began to change. She began asking, "so why are you calling if he is doing good?" and saying, "I've never gotten calls like this." After explaining what I wanted to celebrate, the parent responded, "Ms. Brown, you've made my entire day. Thank you for loving my son. I know he's not easy, but I'm so grateful you see his good side." She began to quietly cry and it broke and warmed my heart at the same time. I was saddened to know that at such an early age parents can feel that the system is against them, but I was relieved to know that the parent could see my good intentions. I knew I would have to often call home to really forge a relationship with this parent, but that was a commitment that I knew I needed to make.
One of my favorite responses came just a few weeks ago when I called home to celebrate some "rockstar reading" of one my students. I could hear the beaming look of pride on the father's face when I was sharing his daughters' success with him. When I finished sharing, he said, "I know it's 5 pm on Friday night and you have a million things you should be doing, but can you please call my wife and share this with her? I know I cannot do any justice for the sincere excitement and pride in your voice. She's been at work for the past 18 hours due to an emergency and I know this will make her day." How could I say no? The whole point of my phone calls is to share positive moments with families. Five more minutes in the grand scheme of things was nothing. It was so worth it. On that Sunday, I received a picture via email of that same student playing school at her house. But in the picture, she was on a phone. The father explained he told his daughter that I called and how proud he was of her for her hard work at school,later that day when she was playing school, he walked in to hear her on the phone, calling home to her pretend students' parents saying "I just love _____. She is so super smart. She works so hard." His message - "Thank you for showing my daughter how to make someone's day, one phone call at a time."
Throughout the year, I have called families over and over again to celebrate (and discuss incidences and concerns). I have found that because I have invested in the time in developing relationships and celebrating, that parents are much more receptive to when I call home with a concern asking for their support and follow through at home. They know that I value their child and recognize when things are going well. I'm not "out to get their child" or blame them for everything. There will be "bumps in the road" as students go through school, but I don't want parents to only know about the bumps in the road. So many more positive things happen everyday that I know parents will never know about, unless it is shared with them.
It takes a village to raise a child, and I know that by winning parents over and having them view me as someone on their child's side that I can accomplish much more. It takes five minutes to call home. The kind words about their child do not cost you anything, but to a parent (and a child) they could mean the world. Celebrate the little things in life, for life is about the journey, not the destination.
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